Putting the Va back in Vacations
Last summer, when gas prices skyrocketed, we were all encouraged to conserve fuel and money and enjoy ‘stay-cations’—kinda like a vacation except you never really went anywhere. And consequently, didn’t really have much fun. Because honestly, who wants to be a tourist in your own town? Isn’t the whole idea behind ‘getting away from it all’ actually getting away? Far away?
On the ride to soccer practice the other evening, my son and I started musing about other vacations-that-aren’t-really-vacations. This is what we came up with.
Hay-cations
Destination: any place that has a barn, some chickens and maybe pigs or a cow or two. Possibly some goats.
Pack: overalls, work boots, chewin’ tobaccy and a trucker hat.
Car-tunes: Toby Keith, Rascal Flatts and Kellie Pickler
Day-cations
Destination: anywhere you can escape to within a day’s drive.
Pack: a cooler of food for lunch. No need for a suitcase; you’ll be home before bedtime.
Car-tunes: a book on CD, abridged.
Gay-cations
Destination: pricey antique stores, quaint independent booksellers, trendy bars and coffee shops in either Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine or New Hampshire.
Pack: anything designer and expensive, but not a lot because you’ll be shopping extensively.
Car-tunes: Cher: The Farewell Concert, Girl in a Coma and Coldplay
Prey-cations
Destination: Game Preserve
Pack: pith helmet, khakis, OFF! and a 12-gauge.
Car-tunes: The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Pray-cations
Destination: Tent Revivals in the Deep South
Pack: Bible—King James version, a fan courtesy of a local funeral home and snake-proof gloves.
Car-tunes: Pat Boone (before he went Metal) and The Winans
Gray-cations
Destination: BINGO halls, casinos, cemeteries and Miami, Florida
Pack: muumuus, high-waist trousers, support hose, Depends, orthopedic shoes, Aqua Net and Fixodent.
Car-tunes: Bing Crosby, Benny Goodman and Tommy Dorsey
Play-cations
Destination: Six Flags, Disney World and Silver Dollar City
Pack: sunscreen, tennis shoes, running shorts and matching brightly colored T-shirts (in case y’all get separated)
Car-tunes: Hannah Montana and The Jonas Brothers
So, what did you do to escape this summer?
On the ride to soccer practice the other evening, my son and I started musing about other vacations-that-aren’t-really-vacations. This is what we came up with.
Hay-cations
Destination: any place that has a barn, some chickens and maybe pigs or a cow or two. Possibly some goats.
Pack: overalls, work boots, chewin’ tobaccy and a trucker hat.
Car-tunes: Toby Keith, Rascal Flatts and Kellie Pickler
Day-cations
Destination: anywhere you can escape to within a day’s drive.
Pack: a cooler of food for lunch. No need for a suitcase; you’ll be home before bedtime.
Car-tunes: a book on CD, abridged.
Gay-cations
Destination: pricey antique stores, quaint independent booksellers, trendy bars and coffee shops in either Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine or New Hampshire.
Pack: anything designer and expensive, but not a lot because you’ll be shopping extensively.
Car-tunes: Cher: The Farewell Concert, Girl in a Coma and Coldplay
Prey-cations
Destination: Game Preserve
Pack: pith helmet, khakis, OFF! and a 12-gauge.
Car-tunes: The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Pray-cations
Destination: Tent Revivals in the Deep South
Pack: Bible—King James version, a fan courtesy of a local funeral home and snake-proof gloves.
Car-tunes: Pat Boone (before he went Metal) and The Winans
Gray-cations
Destination: BINGO halls, casinos, cemeteries and Miami, Florida
Pack: muumuus, high-waist trousers, support hose, Depends, orthopedic shoes, Aqua Net and Fixodent.
Car-tunes: Bing Crosby, Benny Goodman and Tommy Dorsey
Play-cations
Destination: Six Flags, Disney World and Silver Dollar City
Pack: sunscreen, tennis shoes, running shorts and matching brightly colored T-shirts (in case y’all get separated)
Car-tunes: Hannah Montana and The Jonas Brothers
So, what did you do to escape this summer?
Comments
I like yours, Wila. Nay-cations are definitely not fun.
OyVey-Cations
Destination: Atlantic City; the deli; Great-Aunt Bibi's
Pack: some for later
Tunes: Hava Nagila; anything by Barbra
Lay-cations
Destination: your bedroom, kids have been sent to the pool for the afternoon. What? There's a lifeguard! (I think.)
Pack: Nothing. Or maybe some wine, whipped cream, handcuffs, whatever floats your boat. Or nothing.
Tunes: Depends on your mood. Barry White, anyone?