Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A found treasure

About eleven years ago, I found a list that had fallen behind a drawer in the bathroom vanity of a house we had purchased. It was handwritten in at least seven different colors of marker on two pieces of paper. The author would be about 24 years old now, and I'd love to return this to her. I should have hunted down the previous owners and given it to her mom. I'm reproducing it here, with her words and emphasis as she wrote them. I'm betting Katie is a gorgeous, well-groomed confident woman today. Let's hope her boyfriend appreciates all her early efforts.

Rules and exercises for getting a decent boyfriend, to do every day.

1. Brush teeth after breakfast, after lunch, after dinner, and after snacks.
2. Gargle with your Listerine at all times specified above.
3. Wash and condition your hair every day in the shower, occasionally bath.
4. Wash your skin, top to bottom, every day in the shower, occasionally bath.
5. Brush your hair before, during and after going out or doing anything, but don’t look obsessed with it, so use hair spray, gel and mousse.
6. Wash your face often.
7. Astringent your face morning and night, following directions.
8. Use the Water Pik three times daily.
9. Lotion your face very often with Mama Toto lotion.
10. Powder your face often, but not at night (before you go to bed).
11. Use good eye shadow, mascara, blush, etc.
12. Lotion your entire body, including your neck, morning, afternoon, etc.
13. Wear sensible clothing and always wear a bra, except for in bed.
14. Do not pick any scabs, etc.
15. Keep room very clean all of the time.
16. Eat from all five food groups, and take your vitamins, medicine, etc.
17. Show a positive attitude for everything, even work and waking up.
18. Get plenty of exercise and play, but don’t get dirty.
19. Keep your voice nice and practice.
20. Keep all of your shoes clean.
21. Do not act snobbish.
22. Throw yourself into your schoolwork.
23. Wear your glasses at the appropriate times.
24. Listen to your Classic 99, and keep Titanic music to a minimum.
25. Paint and do your art with fashion, expression, and don’t get mad at it.
26. Lotion your hands like heck every day.
27. Don’t fight with sisters.
28. Go to sleep at 9:30 and wake promptly at 6:00.
29. Keep your head elevated while sleeping and keep cool while sleeping.
30. Always blow your nose and stuff like that. (manners)
31. Practice that darn clarinet a whole ton.
32. Lipstuff your lips often.
33. Get good smelling and clean with perfume, deodorant, etc.
34. Floss, floss, floss your teeth to make your mouth feel clean........
35. Do not break your brackets.
36. Drink tons of water and milk.
37. Save lots of your money.
38. When seeing boys, be not too energetic, but a little laid back and very beautiful.
39. Be only bits flirty, like puffing your hair and look radiant.
40. Give them incessant glances and do help them with things.
41. Practice kissing some.
42. Don’t go too fast.
43. Grow your nails out and don’t bite them.
44. Be kind to everyone and everything.
45. Affectiondize for things.
46. Learn ahead for seventh grade.
47. Do what is needed for your period.
48. Do all of your chores.
49. Work well with your breasts and stuff.
50. Have fun.


Joan Mora said...

I love this!

I'm reading Picking Bones From Ash by Marie Mutsuki Mockett and one of her characters leaves little notes like this throughout the house. Fascinating hobby.

Wila said...

Except for practicing that darm clarinet we could all use Katie's list to keep us on track. Excuse me while I go give my husband an incessant glance...those do seem to work pretty well...he always needs help with something!