Camera Shy

It's no secret to those who loved my mother that she hated having her picture taken. Home movies reveal her ducking behind people or covering her face with her hands. Of course her role as mom deemed her the designated photographer of the family, so fewer opportunities presented themselves for her to be photographed.

So when my cousin discovered this photo of Mom while going through my aunt's belongings, I was floored to see her actually hamming it up for the camera. The pose is so out of character for her, but she was on a trip to Israel, unencumbered by children and her typical responsibilities for them, so I guess her inhibitions were also on hiatus. I treasure this photo because it truly reflects her personality.

I suppose most of us are naturally inclined to be critical of our appearances more so than others are of us. We scrutinize images of ourselves for signs of aging, fatigue, weight gain. Our lens is warped by our own expectations of how we wish we looked rather than the reality of what time does to us when we are busy creating a life. 

With the birth of our first grandchild came more family photo opps. My son and daughter-in-law are often poised with their phones to capture their sweet baby making memories with her extended family, and I am so grateful to have them. Most pictures are of her either solo or with one of her adoring parents, but I've noticed a few more with me in them and found myself looking closely at my appearance—no makeup, pajamas at times, often accessorized with remnants of what she was last eating or drinking. But then I'd look more closely at her, what we were doing, and how she was responding. I love reflecting on how she comes to me, reaches for me.

Mom often told us that we'd only realize how much we were loved when we had kids of our own, and I know that sentiment extends to seeing our children become parents and then loving their babies for the grand gift that they are. 

So here's to embracing the everyday photos and not being afraid to strike a pose, resisting the temptation to delete images that are less than perfect—or tidy the kitchen beforehand—because those are the true reflection of the life we live. 

Watching the pony, donkey, and birds from the kitchen window.