Saturday, September 5, 2009

Top Ten Reasons I will de-friend you on Facebook

10. You play Mafia Wars, FarmVille, Heart-giving or some other mindless past-time that leads me to believe you have no life. (If you see me on FarmVille, it's my daughter--she's sabotaged my password. Again.)

9. You brag about your sex life. Really. I don't want to know. If you got a great haircut or found a fabulous pair of shoes, then I'd love to hear about it. What you and your significant other did last night? Not so much.

8. You expound about your religious views. I know we have a right to believe whatever we choose and good for you for having a strong faith. I just don't care to see posts about it each day.

7. You expound about your political views. Again, as in 8, but worse, in my opinion. Varying religious views tend to make me introspective, and I appreciate learning about different beliefs. But political rants can quickly get ugly. Just like armpits--I know you have them, I just don't want to be exposed to them.

6. Your profile picture isn't you. Okay, I might not de-friend you for this, but it is annoying. If I wanted to check in with a monkey, I'd call the zoo. Or my sister. And your two-year-old is adorable, but again, it's not you. Think of your profile pic as a chance to show your friends how well you've aged. If you haven't aged well, then get someone to PhotoShop your picture.

5. You somehow sent me a friend request based on our mutual interests or other friends. I might have accepted you because I was distracted at the time or you looked harmless. If you post something a little weird, bye-bye.

4. You take endless quizzes. If every day I learn what TV mom you are, which Sex and the City character you are, what medieval warrior you are, what era you're from, which '80s hair band you are...what annoying Facebook quiz you are most likely to take...

3. You collect friends like a hooker collects STFs (sexually transmitted funk). If you have 785 friends, honestly, do you really need me? I'm a writer with a fragile ego--I need to be needed.

2. You tell me what you eat. Incessant, trivial updates make me want to introduce you to a life coach. "Just had three donuts and a soda for breakfast!" Well, you shouldn't have! Do you really want me to comment on that? I can't click on a "dislike" button to give you a thumbs down, but I can remove you if it gets really scary to witness.

1. You keep reminding me of things I'd rather forget. "Remember when we were in high school and you wore that yellow shirt that made you look like a goober and then everyone called you Bananarama and made you cry?" Well, no, but thanks for dredging up that horrible memory. Who are you, Satan?


Special thanks to my sister, Amy, and her friends pictured here (Amy, Rosie, Jennifer and Caitlin) who weighed in on this post. I usually try not to post negative stuff on my blog. I just felt a little bit snarky today. Sorry, Mom.

11 comments:

Kim Bullock said...

I laughed about this - then realized I've done a couple of them! I sometimes take quizzes right before bed as a mindless way to kill about ten minutes. As for political discussions - well, I try to avoid them. Once in awhile my brother-in-law (married to Max's sister) says something that just REALLY gets my goat. He's so right wing he makes Atilla look like a liberal. Our only contact is on Facebook.

Seems you've forgiven me!

Pamela Hammonds said...

Trust me, the day you get a little nuts, I'll be the first to tell you. And I expect the same from you!

Renee said...

Whoa Pamela!! I'm laughing. I'm crying. Mostly laughing. :) Because of #6, I am going to change my profile pic RIGHT NOW!! (But my poor little babies will know it's all your fault!) And I agree with just about all the others...except for 7 & 8...sometimes I use Facebook to try to inspire or debate something political or religious; it can be a great forum for short & sweet yet meaningful discussion. But that's just me. Alright, Finn & Kate, Pamela's making me give you the boot. BWAHHHH!!!!!! :)

Pamela Hammonds said...

Maybe the political/religious stuff bothers me because both are such personal choices, and I believe those topics are best discussed in person. But that's just me.

Tell Finn & Kate I'm sorry. You, of all people, shouldn't hesitate to post your picture--you're gorgeous!

Joan Mora said...

Thank you--now I feel I have validation to de-friend a few. Here I go...

Suzette Saxton said...

Ha ha ha, this post had me laughing because you and I are so much alike! I recently discovered that if I hover over the right-hand-side of a FB game announcement that comes through on my feed, a hidden option appears to no longer see the posts regarding that particular game, ie "Hide Mafia Wars forever." Yay! That has saved me!

Kendra said...

My favorite is: you get a friend request from someone you don't know, yet you have mutual friends in common. You still can't place the person so you ask your mutual friends and THEY don't know them...what the? IGNORE! Just because you may or may not have gone to school with me or know someone I know doesn't get you on my friend list.

Wila said...

I don't talk politics, I try not to preach religion, I don't play the FB games although I did find out which movie star I was most like for some strange reason. My picture is of me whether I like it or not, I never discuss my sex life in writing...I can't see the other five while I write my comment and am probably blanking out on them because I'm guilty. Do you only de-defriend if one does all of the top ten? Hope so, I would miss you too much!

Pamela Hammonds said...

I'll admit to starting to take a FB quiz, and then I read the warning that you open up your life and lingerie drawer to every possible scary person on FB and then decided not to. Maybe my computer is a little over-protective! No, Wila, you're stuck with me. And now that Suzanne has shared the dual features of the HIDE option, I don't have to de-friend as much. I'll just hide their shenanigans. :)

Kelly Lee Flora said...

Hi Pamela, i'm a friend of Susan's on Facebook, does that mean you and I can be friends :-)

Just teasing, I jumped over from your other blog, What Women Write.

Thanks for posting I love it. Someone needed to say it, especially #6, people who post their kid as a profile picture. I love my daughter, but I promise, if you go to MY Facebook page you will find a picture of ME.

Cheers!
Kelly

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